My nightmare

My nightmare started in May 2016. Without going too much into details, it was a party, a spiked drink, and a guy. The rest you can imagine because honestly, I don't remember much.

The First Signs

Two days after that, I visited the OB/GYN with an infection, underwent tests, all of which were negative. I received meds for the infection for one week, and that was it. It felt like it never happened, or so I thought at the time. From that moment, I became a loner. I started going out less and stopped talking to my friends and family. The only people I interacted with were my next-door neighbor and my ex-boyfriend.

The Bugs in My Mind

In June, I began seeing small dots in my bed—white, black, and brown—about the size of a single grain of salt. I also started seeing black insects, like tiny worms, about 1 or 2mm long. For someone who’s afraid of insects, you can imagine how I was—hysterical! I started having panic attacks, and because of these attacks, I was seeing more than what was actually there.

The only two people I trusted never saw anything, and they convinced me that everything was in my head. I began telling myself, "It's all in your head, you're hallucinating because you’re having a panic attack." I would close my eyes for 3-5 minutes, and everything seemed normal again—no bugs in sight.

Struggling with the Panic

During one of these panic attacks, I convinced myself that it was bedbugs and soaked my mattress with alcohol to kill them. I fumigated the house, bought new pillows, and got a mattress cover. Problem solved, or so I thought.

Visits to the Doctor

In July, I went to the doctor with white spots on my tongue and all over my mouth. The diagnosis was thrush. I took meds for one week, but when I came back after a week, the thrush was still there. The doctor gave me two more weeks of medication, and after three weeks, I was able to eat and speak without pain again.

By August, the panic attacks were getting stronger. I was convinced the neighbor's cat had left fleas in my house, and somehow, they had gotten into my head. I fumigated the house again, started using lice shampoo once a week, and added tea tree oil to my shampoo, conditioner, body lotion, and even the washing machine when doing laundry. Most of my day was spent in the bathroom, washing my hair and body at least five times with different products.

Escalating Symptoms

By September, half of my day was spent in the bathroom. Another quarter of my day was spent working, and the last quarter was spent sleeping. Sleeping was getting harder, and I was constantly having headaches. Eating was becoming difficult—my teeth hurt when I chewed, and my throat hurt when I swallowed. At that point, I only left the house when it was absolutely necessary.

The Struggle Continues

In October, I went to the doctor again, this time with pink eye. I was prescribed meds for five days, but it took ten days for it to go away. I told the doctor about the bugs, but he didn’t see anything wrong.

In November, I moved, convinced that the house was the source of all my problems. Everything seemed to be going well, and I stopped obsessing over the bugs. I started washing my hair and body like normal people do. But one day, I felt something moving in my head. In another panic attack, I cut my hair and saw white things in the hair I cut. I went to another doctor, taking the hair with me. Her diagnosis was nits—no lice, just nits.

Losing Control

The obsession and panic attacks returned. I lost track of time, and by that point, I was hardly getting five hours of sleep a day in episodes. I dyed my hair in a desperate attempt to kill the bugs.

December was more of the same—one doctor per week, each with a different treatment and diagnosis. Every one of them was wrong. I started looking online and found what I had, but the doctors just didn’t believe me. A couple of doctors even called me crazy. By mid-January, I was hardly getting three or four hours of sleep a day, even with sleeping pills.

The Breaking Point

In a moment of desperation, I decided to bleach my hair to kill the bugs, and because I was going to do that, I decided to go blue. I bleached my hair as best I could, applied the blue dye, waited the prescribed time, and got in the shower. When I was done and started brushing my hair, I saw them. They were all blue. I had a panic attack, and the first thing that crossed my mind was the sleeping pills.

I had two new bottles and a third that was half-full. That would be enough to sleep and never wake up. I was in so much physical and mental pain, I could barely eat, barely sleep, and my life wasn’t living anymore—it was just surviving. I had the pills in front of me, crying like a child, wishing for it all to end. I just wanted the suffering to stop. Everything hurt—walking, touching things, eating, drinking, even breathing.

A Life-Saving Message

At that moment, my phone beeped. I received a message, and that message saved my life. I don’t remember who sent it because I didn’t even look at it, but I took my phone and called my ex-husband. As soon as he heard me crying, he drove over. He talked to me the whole way to my house. When he arrived, he tried to calm me down—and that’s when he saw the bugs.

He took me to a dermatologist, who believed me. She examined me and showed me the bugs under a microscope. They were pubic lice, all over my body. Every time I went to a doctor, they treated my symptoms as separate diseases. They never looked at the bigger picture. Most family practitioners don’t recognize pubic lice because they are translucent and only darken after they feed. They can be as big as the head of a pin, but they can also be tiny. They can hide inside the pores, making them difficult to see.

Understanding the Condition

Not everyone experiences itching. Some of us only get headaches, occasional fevers, and sometimes allergic reactions that cause redness and hypersensitivity. For some, even touching anything feels like it burns. These lice can live a long time without being noticed and can easily spread to others through close contact, shared clothing, or sleeping in the same bed.

You don’t need to have sex to get them. Shaving is not enough, and regular lice treatments don’t work. If you think you might have them, see a dermatologist—they are the only ones who can help.

Conclusion: Trusting Your Body

At the end of the day, I wasn’t crazy. My body was telling me something was wrong, even when the doctors didn’t believe me. I got a 15-day treatment for the lice, and now I’m completely free of bugs. I’m also on medication for panic attacks and still can’t go into crowded places.

I’ve started going out to the store and things like that. I’m getting my life back step by step. I lost 60 pounds during this ordeal and have gained 20 pounds back since. I’m trying to see the positive side—at least I lost weight!

Know your body. Examine yourself regularly, and trust your instincts. If you feel something is wrong, it usually is. Listen to your body and memorize every inch of it—someday, it might save your life.